Georgena Ruth Lee Alexander
October 8, 1940-December 15, 2003
I Can't Make it Without You...
Yesterday was my mother's birthday. She "went home" almost 7 years ago, so I wanted to honor her memory in some way. In many years past I have done something special on this day. Sometimes I place a bouquet of flowers under beautiful tree, make a donation to a charity or call one of my siblings for a deep heart-to-heart talk.
But I did none of these things this year. Somehow, I internalized it. Holding on to the special flame of her memory while I worked, telling my friends the story of how my parents got together, laughing out loud at some of the everyday quirks that made her unique. It was different; and maybe, because I am a little deeper into my fourth decade on Earth, I encountered a new feeling of gratitude toward her. You know, it is easy for us to thank God for the gifts and experiences of life, but it is not so easy for me to attribute any of what I have to my mother. I spent so much of my life trying to carve out my own identity within the overpowering presence of my relationship with her. Even when I was miles away from her.
This time, I acknowledged the integration of her choices and behavior in my life. I have to thank her for the influence that helped bring all of the loving people into my life, that helped me discover new adventures, that helped me reach out to the world and into myself. I can see now that I am so crazy about being of service, because it was something she valued highly. She showed us the beauty of sharing and playing well with others, even when her words were sharp or irreverent. She showed how a true artist is her own canvas, reflecting creativity through her life.
When I was young, I heard my mother tell the story of how she behaved differently when she was pregnant with me and that when I was born, she had a spiritual experience. She said that she prayed and dedicated me to God, offering me up to God. Just as Hanna did in the Bible, giving her son back to God, promising that my life would be spent in service to God. I really bristled every time I heard this. Not only because I thought my mother dramatic for comparing us to biblical personalities, but I thought it was not fair. How could she make that promise for me when I was not in a position to choose? Well, now that I am a more mature human, I know that there are many worse choices a mother could make. In fact, I can think of few better choices. On an unconscious level, I accepted that promise and made it my own. I truly believe it has gifted me with a continuing sense of life's blessedness and my own value. So, even in my toughest times, I had a sense of purpose and believed in the power of a divine connection. In fact, I cannot imagine life without it.
So, I am grateful, not only that my mother gave birth to me. I am grateful that she honored my life, taught me how to cherish the beauty of life and to create more beauty by being of service. She remains a part of my life. So even when she is not here, all of her prayers for me still protect me and bless me. I know she is resting in peace because I am.
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Now playing: Shari Addison - Can't Make It Without You
via FoxyTunes
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Now playing: Shari Addison - Can't Make It Without You
via FoxyTunes
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